How Jagerbombs Ruined My Neuroscience Lab Mark

If I'd know my neuroscience lab mark was doomed when I met Jerome, then I never would have let him buy me all those jagerbombs.

I met Jerome at a party, and we hit it off. Things really heated up when we got to the bar and he started ordering jagerbombs like the douche in http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4JMOh-cul6M. I was immediately smitten by this comedic genius. I was practically peeing I was laughing so hard. I drank up and we danced like monkeys in heat and then I remember we were at the bar and he swept my hair behind my ear and then kissed me, in a nice way, not dirty make out. I thought, what a class act.

As the night wound down, I invited him over to my house. I was feeling adventurous.

Back at my house we went up to my room…and we were making out, whatever. Then I told him I wanted to go to sleep so I went to the washroom to brush my teeth. 

I returned to my room, and he was gone. I was shocked that he would leave without saying good bye. I mean he swept the hair off my face. So I went downstairs looking for him. This is what I found:

In case that wasn’t clear, it was him, alone, in my living room, naked trying to put a condom on his limp penis. I promptly turned and walked to the kitchen so he wouldn’t see my face.

He followed and started murmuring about “never happening before”. I just told him that I was going to bed, it was late, he could sleep over if he wanted. I would sleep on the couch, he could sleep in my room. I'm such a good hostess.

In the morning I returned to my room to find him gone, for real this time. Then I noticed his cell phone was on my floor.

I went downstairs to make KD and ventured onto facebook to find him through my friend so that I could tell him I had his cellphone and could return it.
When I opened my computer I found this:

Anyway, I shrugged it off and ate my KD.
After eating my KD, I went upstairs to pack. I was planning on washing my sheets because of strange nude dude. The idea of sleeping where he had slept nude was not desirable to me. You can only imagine how I felt when I removed my comforter to find this:A couple of things ran through my head and it didn’t take long for me to conclude that this dude had shit in my bed!

SHIT IN MY BED!I ran into the hallway and realized that I was all alone, no roommates, and I felt incredibly unprepared to handle this situation on my own.

I thought about calling my mom because she’s who I call when I have a situation I can’t handle.

Thankfully I didn’t.

Instead I ripped the infested sheets off of my bed and threw them into the washing machine with copious amounts of bleach.

Later, when I was a bit more calm, I returned to my computer and logged on Facebook… and I saw, oh yay, he had confirmed my friend request! I went to write him an email… you know about how I had his cell phone..and oh, YOU SHIT IN MY BED!

However, before clicking “send a message” something on his profile jumped out at me:
Yeah, I know Jessica.... She is my Monday, 9:30 am lab partner. Aweeeesome.

I imagined what Monday would be like:


The End.

Follow up 1: I met Jerome on campus one day after telling him off for putting me in this extremely awkward situation with my lab partner. He said he was surprised that I hadn't broken his phone. I told him not everyone is insane.

Follow up 2: I received a failing grade from Jessica as my lab participation mark. I did the majority of our work. I think it's safe to say she found out about the incident.